Obsession continued

Greetings once more! There is more to say on the subject of love and relationships, and we are delighted to say more!

Some of you have been diligent, and have focussed your attention on finding ways to feel loved and loving and also lovable without needing the validation of this person about whom you have been speaking to us, this person that has been difficult to forget. And you have noticed that when you are occupied in ways that cause you to give energy and attention to others, ways that bring joy and pleasure to others, when you are occupied in these ways, you feel stronger and more secure within yourselves and more powerful. You do not feel so needy and vulnerable when you are the one doing the giving. And you have noticed that part of what causes you to feel needy and vulnerable around this person whom we shall refer to as X is that you are the one doing the needing energy, as opposed to the one doing the with-holding of energy. You feel yourself perhaps compulsively clinging to the energy of X, maybe you even fight with yourself not to call them. You make up excuses why it is okay for you to call, indeed why you should call, in much the same way as a chocaholic makes excuses for needing chocolate. And immediately after you give in to your urge and leave yet another message, you feel frustrated and angry and ashamed and powerless.

It is useful to understand what is happening energetically, in this situation. In our experience, people who understand exactly what is happening tend to have an easier time resolving the problem. Think of yourself as a leaky boat. You panic, because you are afraid that the hole in your boat is letting in water, and you might drown if that happens. And so you reach out for the very thing that you think will mend the hole and stop the water from coming in. But you do not realise that the thing you are reaching for is actually making the hole bigger, not smaller. And it is letting in even more water, and you are now drowning faster. When you feel a craving for another person to give you their attention, the same thing is happening. You feel that there is a hole, and you want to fill it, but every time you reach outside yourself you make the hole bigger because you travel further and further from your centre, making yourself feel even smaller, more needy and more afraid and powerless. As you try to take energy from this other person psychically, you weaken your own sense of your own energy. Conversely, when you send energy back to this person, wishing them well and cutting the psychic cords between you, you begin to sense your own energy getting stronger, until you feel whole again, and centred. Of course, we often advise people to meditate regularly, so that they can have an awareness of what it feels like to be 'centred' and to not feel any need to be in another place or another situation, to be at one with yourself and the present moment. People do not always want to meditate, but even a little experience of this state can help you to know the difference between the restless, longing state that you feel when you need another person's attention and the peace of mind that you can experience when you turn your attention inwards. If you practice it enough, you may even begin to feel the same kind of feelings of bliss that you have felt when you were receiving the attention of X!