how to stop obsessing continued

Even though the question that was asked yesterday was not my question, I decided to do the homework that the angles gave, just to see what it would be like. I tried to write down my thoughts for ten minutes. It wasn’t easy because my thoughts were too fast to catch them and write them all down. But after a few minutes they slowed down and actually my mind went very quiet for a few moments. It made me aware of how fast everything else had been, my breathing included. I was much more relaxed after the exercise. But I failed to see how it could be used to stop a person obsessing about someone. I asked the angels to continue from where they had left off:

Angels: Greetings once more! We are delighted that you took the time to attempt the exercise, and that you were able to observe the effect that it had on your mind. As we have already said, at this point we are more interested in observing the thoughts, rather than changing them. We wonder what thoughts you have, when you feel bad about your relationship with the person in question?

(I decided to choose a person, for the purposes of the exercise. Not a lover, but a friend who no longer calls me, but who I still feel rejected by)

Me: I feel sad because I think about how I am being ignored, or unwanted or overlooked if this person does not call me. I don’t like the fact that I think about them but they clearly don’t think about me! I feel unimportant and not good enough.

Angels: Indeed, much of the time, if not all of the time, the thoughts of the average human being are focussed on what is making them feel good or what is making them feel bad, or more usually, a mixture of the two between which they oscillate. The thoughts may have to do with events that have occurred in the past, such as a rejection, an argument, a perceived insult. Or they may have to do with events that may or may not occur in the future. A possible phone call, a potential meeting. More often than not, the thoughts have nothing to do with the present moment, with what is actually happening in the here and now. When you feel sad about a relationship that is not satisfying, the thoughts are perhaps thoughts of what could have been or should have been. They are essentially thoughts of loss, of grief for a happiness that has not happened. To us, in our realm and with our perspective it seems strange, if not quite impractical to think longingly of what could have been. We do not see that it is helpful or cheerful to do so. But we appreciate fully that you may have a habit of thinking about things in ways that are not useful or cheerful. Which is why we invite you now to begin to examine your own thoughts and thought processes more carefully. You will see that thoughts come in clusters that we refer to as patterns. The thought ‘ He has not called me’ will often be accompanied, for example, by thoughts about how inadequate you are and in what ways, and about how you could or should be different, in order to achieve a more desirable result. Women often have thoughts that tell them that if they were prettier or more stylish or sexy or more fun to be around the man in question would not be able to help himself, he would fall madly in love. Enormous industries, turning over billions of dollars, pounds, euro (and every other currency on the planet) are devoted to selling women different products to help them feel more attractive to men. Men also spend their money in ways that make them seem more attractive to women. Most of you, if given the choice would like to have the power to control how other people react to you, particularly in romantic situations.

We are not here to give you a method of controlling other people, however much you may wish it, we are sorry to say! Instead, we are here to assist you in having more control over how you respond to the ways in which other people react to you. It is possible for you to accept rejection with equanimity, and without feeling insulted or inadequate or anxious. It is not required that you like everybody that you meet, nor that you wish to spend time with everyone you meet. It is perfectly acceptable for you to change your mind, also, about whether or not you enjoy a person’s company. We understand that many of you manipulate each other, at times, pretending to like each other more than you do, usually out of fear of being lonely. We invite you to accept all of these things, both in yourselves and in others. It is more than likely that part of the reason that you have trouble letting go of a person who does not give you what you want is because you suspect that the reason they do not want you is because you are not really lovable, that you are flawed and they can see your flaws. It is quite likely that there is an aspect of you, perhaps a child-like aspect, who is determined to make yourself lovable enough for this person. Perhaps there is even a part of you who is ashamed of yourself, for having been rejected. Doubtless you are already sick and tired of having been told that you must learn to love yourself! At first it seems impossible to like or accept aspects of yourself that make you feel inadequate or ashamed. We have good news and bad news, at this point. The bad news is that our message is essentially no different to the messages that you have already been given about love. We do advise you to learn to love yourselves. The good news is that we can make this easier than you think. We will conclude today’s little talk with an exercise to allow you to feel more love, more lovable and more loving!

Begin by simply becoming quiet, closing your eyes, and focussing on your breath. Allow your breath to deepen and relax, as you follow it with your mind. Now begin to picture an angel standing in front of you. You may be as creative as you wish with your image of the angel, and fashion it to look just as you would like it to look, because that is the wonderful thing about angels, we have endless wardrobes and wigs to play with! Now imagine very simply that this angel loves you and wishes to express this love directly to you. Feel your heart opening and softening to allow this benevolent and compassionate being to show you how it feels. You may or may not wish to imagine being enveloped by wings, or having your hands held, whatever makes you feel happiest and most at ease will be the best thing for you to imagine. Continue to feel this vibration of total and unconditional love for as long as you can focus on it, and over the next twenty-four hours continue to imagine it whenever you think of it. We will explain what we are doing and why when we next speak!