Angel Advice on how to stopBegrudgery

Today I decided to ask about a thing that I know is not good but that I cant seem to stop, which is begrudgery. I begrudge other people their success. For instance, today I read in the paper that Brendan O Connor who writes for the Sunday Independent (which I also write for) is going to be doing a Saturday night chat show on Irish telly. I am jealous because I would like to be offered a chat show! But Brendan having a chat show does not mean I cant have one too. So why do I begrudge him it? And why do I resent other people who get things that I want? Can this be stopped?

Angel Answer:

We do sympathise! Indeed, we feel tremendously envious and resentful when other angels achieve better results than we are having with our clients! It is quite a natural response that you are experiencing, this resentment. Think of it as coming from the part of you that fights to survive against all the other hunters and predators! You see another person with a large hunk of fresh meat and you want to kill him so that you can have food for yourself! This instinct comes from the deepest part of your human conditioning. As with any other survival-related instinct, it is neither essential nor useful to try to 'stop' it, as you have suggested. Trying to stop it will only make you feel bad and wrong for being human! What is already happening is that you are becoming aware of these reactions, and you are realising that it is not necessary for you to starve just because another person is being fed! There is a part of you who feels threatened, who feels that you must compete with all other humans for every good thing that you desire. But there is a greater part, a more essential part who knows for certain that nothing that is for your greater good will be denied to you and that you cannot be deprived by another person's success, no matter how many people tell you that you can. Your soul has the capacity and the materials and the method for realising your potential, if you so choose it. But you must choose it, if it is to happen! If you wish, you can also sit back and watch as others do the things that you think you should be doing.

We sense that there is much frustration in your world. Many of you feel that you are under-achieving, you are not getting as far as fast as you could be or should be, particularly in your careers, but also in your personal lives. You look around you and see other people becoming richer or more famous or successful or simply doing more than you do and you feel angry with yourselves for being inadequate in comparison. We suggest that this is a far more important issue to concern yourselves with, this problem of comparison with others and feeling inadequate. Ask yourself honestly which you would prefer, to have a chat show of your own, or to feel good that you are doing exactly what it is that you came here to do?

Me: When you put it that way, I think the answer is that I would like to feel certain that I am doing what I am here to do! Also that I am not too lazy, because I often think I am too lazy, especially when I see other people doing more than me. I wish everyone was as lazy as me so I wouldnt feel bad. But then there would be nothing fun for me to watch on telly.

Angels:

Indeed. And so the real question is 'how can I feel good about being me, even if I think I am lazy?' The answer to that is simple. Decide to feel good about being you, exactly as you are and to only change things if you feel inclined to change the, not because other people are doing it. If you can achieve this, you will be happier than all the people with chat shows, because all the people with chat shows will be comparing themselves to other, more successful people with chat shows, we guarantee it!

Is It bad to gossip about people?

Hello again! Today I was having a bit of a gossip session with some friends and at the same time we were making New Year Revolutions. And I wondered is it bad to gossip? Does it lower our vibration and make bad stuff happen?

Angel Answer:

Were you gossiping about us? We are most curious!!! We understand that this is a serious question, and we would immediately ask you what it is that makes you ask the question? Why, for instance, do you not ask 'Is it bad to drink coffee?' Or walk in the park, or feed the ducks or eat cakes, or indeed any of the other things that you did today? Why do you suspect that it might be bad to gossip?

Me: You are smart and no mistake! Of course you are right. I did all those other things and did not feel bad about doing them and it was only when I was gossiping that I felt bad. I felt guilty, as if I should not be perpetuating rumours that are more than likely hurtful to the people in question, even if they dont know I am doing it and also that I shouldnt be laughing at the misfortunes of others. Is it really bad? Is there a way to stop?

Angel:

When you love each other, truly love each other, you wish only for each other's joy and comfort and happiness and peace of mind. When you feel other things for each other..... you may not actually intend to hurt each other, you may merely laugh when a person slips on a banana skin, but the action of laughing at the misfortune of another is not loving, especially if the other person is not present. If you consider for a moment whether you would be happy if the situation were reversed, and other people were laughing at you and at events and circumstances in your life that make you unhappy, you will immediately know this to be true. That is not to say that you are a bad person for having done this, nor is it to say that you will now be punished! It is important to make this distinction, because many of you have this fear. It is not that you will be judged by some outside force who will then decide a suitable punishment for you! Not at all. It is simply a habit that affects your own energy and closes your heart a little, thereby, as you quite rightly pointed out, lowering your own vibration. When you change your vibration, you change what you magnetise. You may have already noticed that while you may feel a sense of glee when you take pleasure in the misfortunes of another being, it is a strange feeling that is not entirely joyful, nor is it entirely uplifting. It is because you are aware of this that you asked the question. We suggest that if you were to find ways to experience actual joy and bliss in your life, you would not have the taste for gossip! You will find that it is more than likely better that you concentrate your energy and attention on finding ways to experience something more satisfying than to try to make yourself stop doing it, however.

Obsession continued

Greetings once more! There is more to say on the subject of love and relationships, and we are delighted to say more!

Some of you have been diligent, and have focussed your attention on finding ways to feel loved and loving and also lovable without needing the validation of this person about whom you have been speaking to us, this person that has been difficult to forget. And you have noticed that when you are occupied in ways that cause you to give energy and attention to others, ways that bring joy and pleasure to others, when you are occupied in these ways, you feel stronger and more secure within yourselves and more powerful. You do not feel so needy and vulnerable when you are the one doing the giving. And you have noticed that part of what causes you to feel needy and vulnerable around this person whom we shall refer to as X is that you are the one doing the needing energy, as opposed to the one doing the with-holding of energy. You feel yourself perhaps compulsively clinging to the energy of X, maybe you even fight with yourself not to call them. You make up excuses why it is okay for you to call, indeed why you should call, in much the same way as a chocaholic makes excuses for needing chocolate. And immediately after you give in to your urge and leave yet another message, you feel frustrated and angry and ashamed and powerless.

It is useful to understand what is happening energetically, in this situation. In our experience, people who understand exactly what is happening tend to have an easier time resolving the problem. Think of yourself as a leaky boat. You panic, because you are afraid that the hole in your boat is letting in water, and you might drown if that happens. And so you reach out for the very thing that you think will mend the hole and stop the water from coming in. But you do not realise that the thing you are reaching for is actually making the hole bigger, not smaller. And it is letting in even more water, and you are now drowning faster. When you feel a craving for another person to give you their attention, the same thing is happening. You feel that there is a hole, and you want to fill it, but every time you reach outside yourself you make the hole bigger because you travel further and further from your centre, making yourself feel even smaller, more needy and more afraid and powerless. As you try to take energy from this other person psychically, you weaken your own sense of your own energy. Conversely, when you send energy back to this person, wishing them well and cutting the psychic cords between you, you begin to sense your own energy getting stronger, until you feel whole again, and centred. Of course, we often advise people to meditate regularly, so that they can have an awareness of what it feels like to be 'centred' and to not feel any need to be in another place or another situation, to be at one with yourself and the present moment. People do not always want to meditate, but even a little experience of this state can help you to know the difference between the restless, longing state that you feel when you need another person's attention and the peace of mind that you can experience when you turn your attention inwards. If you practice it enough, you may even begin to feel the same kind of feelings of bliss that you have felt when you were receiving the attention of X!

how to stop obsessing continued

Even though the question that was asked yesterday was not my question, I decided to do the homework that the angles gave, just to see what it would be like. I tried to write down my thoughts for ten minutes. It wasn’t easy because my thoughts were too fast to catch them and write them all down. But after a few minutes they slowed down and actually my mind went very quiet for a few moments. It made me aware of how fast everything else had been, my breathing included. I was much more relaxed after the exercise. But I failed to see how it could be used to stop a person obsessing about someone. I asked the angels to continue from where they had left off:

Angels: Greetings once more! We are delighted that you took the time to attempt the exercise, and that you were able to observe the effect that it had on your mind. As we have already said, at this point we are more interested in observing the thoughts, rather than changing them. We wonder what thoughts you have, when you feel bad about your relationship with the person in question?

(I decided to choose a person, for the purposes of the exercise. Not a lover, but a friend who no longer calls me, but who I still feel rejected by)

Me: I feel sad because I think about how I am being ignored, or unwanted or overlooked if this person does not call me. I don’t like the fact that I think about them but they clearly don’t think about me! I feel unimportant and not good enough.

Angels: Indeed, much of the time, if not all of the time, the thoughts of the average human being are focussed on what is making them feel good or what is making them feel bad, or more usually, a mixture of the two between which they oscillate. The thoughts may have to do with events that have occurred in the past, such as a rejection, an argument, a perceived insult. Or they may have to do with events that may or may not occur in the future. A possible phone call, a potential meeting. More often than not, the thoughts have nothing to do with the present moment, with what is actually happening in the here and now. When you feel sad about a relationship that is not satisfying, the thoughts are perhaps thoughts of what could have been or should have been. They are essentially thoughts of loss, of grief for a happiness that has not happened. To us, in our realm and with our perspective it seems strange, if not quite impractical to think longingly of what could have been. We do not see that it is helpful or cheerful to do so. But we appreciate fully that you may have a habit of thinking about things in ways that are not useful or cheerful. Which is why we invite you now to begin to examine your own thoughts and thought processes more carefully. You will see that thoughts come in clusters that we refer to as patterns. The thought ‘ He has not called me’ will often be accompanied, for example, by thoughts about how inadequate you are and in what ways, and about how you could or should be different, in order to achieve a more desirable result. Women often have thoughts that tell them that if they were prettier or more stylish or sexy or more fun to be around the man in question would not be able to help himself, he would fall madly in love. Enormous industries, turning over billions of dollars, pounds, euro (and every other currency on the planet) are devoted to selling women different products to help them feel more attractive to men. Men also spend their money in ways that make them seem more attractive to women. Most of you, if given the choice would like to have the power to control how other people react to you, particularly in romantic situations.

We are not here to give you a method of controlling other people, however much you may wish it, we are sorry to say! Instead, we are here to assist you in having more control over how you respond to the ways in which other people react to you. It is possible for you to accept rejection with equanimity, and without feeling insulted or inadequate or anxious. It is not required that you like everybody that you meet, nor that you wish to spend time with everyone you meet. It is perfectly acceptable for you to change your mind, also, about whether or not you enjoy a person’s company. We understand that many of you manipulate each other, at times, pretending to like each other more than you do, usually out of fear of being lonely. We invite you to accept all of these things, both in yourselves and in others. It is more than likely that part of the reason that you have trouble letting go of a person who does not give you what you want is because you suspect that the reason they do not want you is because you are not really lovable, that you are flawed and they can see your flaws. It is quite likely that there is an aspect of you, perhaps a child-like aspect, who is determined to make yourself lovable enough for this person. Perhaps there is even a part of you who is ashamed of yourself, for having been rejected. Doubtless you are already sick and tired of having been told that you must learn to love yourself! At first it seems impossible to like or accept aspects of yourself that make you feel inadequate or ashamed. We have good news and bad news, at this point. The bad news is that our message is essentially no different to the messages that you have already been given about love. We do advise you to learn to love yourselves. The good news is that we can make this easier than you think. We will conclude today’s little talk with an exercise to allow you to feel more love, more lovable and more loving!

Begin by simply becoming quiet, closing your eyes, and focussing on your breath. Allow your breath to deepen and relax, as you follow it with your mind. Now begin to picture an angel standing in front of you. You may be as creative as you wish with your image of the angel, and fashion it to look just as you would like it to look, because that is the wonderful thing about angels, we have endless wardrobes and wigs to play with! Now imagine very simply that this angel loves you and wishes to express this love directly to you. Feel your heart opening and softening to allow this benevolent and compassionate being to show you how it feels. You may or may not wish to imagine being enveloped by wings, or having your hands held, whatever makes you feel happiest and most at ease will be the best thing for you to imagine. Continue to feel this vibration of total and unconditional love for as long as you can focus on it, and over the next twenty-four hours continue to imagine it whenever you think of it. We will explain what we are doing and why when we next speak!

How to stop obsessing about a guy(or girl)

Today I got an email from someone who wants to know how to stop obsessing about a guy who does not seem to want to have an actual relationship with her. He appears occasionally and sends mixed messages and wrecks her head. She would like to be able to get him out of her head, and move on.

Question: How do we get a person out of our mind? For example, a person that we are fixated on romantically and who is not good for us or not responding?

Angels Answer:

This is a very popular question! If we had a soul for every time we have been asked it! We apologise for the terrible joke. And of course we are delighted to assist with this question, as with all other questions!

To begin with, we would ask you who are struggling with this issue, (and not only in romantic situations, but also in other kinds of relationships) to begin by asking yourselves the question ‘What is it that I want from this person? What could this person potentially give me that would enhance my life?”

You will generally find that even in the case of abusive relationships there is some positive quality that this person has brought to your life in the past, even if it has been infrequent or only very seldom. There may be more than one positive quality. It might surprise you to ask this question. You may even find it difficult to answer. It is usually the case that this person makes you feel good about yourself or about your life in some way. We would ask you to play a little game with us now, if you do not mind humouring us. We would ask you to bring to mind an occasion, real or imagined, during which this person enhanced your life and made you feel good. You may wish to imagine the person in the room now, in front of you, as you do this exercise or you may wish to simply imagine the feeling.

Once you have accessed the good feeling (or one of the many good feelings) allow yourself to turn it up so that it is stronger. Feel it as much as you possibly can, as intensely and physically as you can. Now ask yourself a very important question. This question is crucial to the success or failure of this experiment. If you answer yes to it, we can help you. But we cannot, if you don’t. The question is simply this. ‘Am I willing to have this feeling come to me from another source? From another person, if necessary? Or even from many different sources?’

Obviously, it is not easy for you, at this point to imagine that another person could bring you this same feeling. If it were easy for you to do this, you would not obsess about the person, or pine for them. You would not have asked for our help. We do not ask that it be easy for you, at this moment. We merely ask that you be willing to allow it to happen, if together we can make it happen. And we ask that you consider the benefits of allowing this to happen. You may be worried that if you allow yourself to feel this good with somebody else you will ruin what you might have with the person that you are currently fixated on. And what if they come back to you? Or decide to fall in love with you? Then what?

If this does happen, we suggest that you will be in a better position than you are presently in. For you will be in a position to choose between the new and the old. You will not be dependent entirely on this absent person for your happiness. We are aware that this is a very easy statement to make, but that at the same time, it is not always the case that people truly want to be free of obsession and longing. Many of you are not truly comfortable unless you feel that there is a person or a desire that is beyond your reach. We cannot force you to be comfortable with letting go of longing. It is a choice that is yours and yours alone to make.

If you have made up your mind at this point that you are willing to be free to experience happiness with or without the person in question, we have good news for you. The next part is not necessarily easy, but it is within your power. The next time that you find yourself thinking of this person, simply remind yourself that your current association of the person and the good feeling that you crave is the result of a habit that you yourself have created in your own mind, in much the same way that people associate good feelings with alcohol, or drug-taking, or sweet foods or sex, or indeed the many, many other pursuits that bring pleasure. In short, you have temporarily become addicted to this person. But if you are absolutely determined to experience happiness without the addiction, then that is what can and will happen.

As we have said before and cannot re-iterate often enough, it is your choice to be free of longing for this person. If there is any doubt in your mind about letting go of them, if, for instance you would like to let go in theory, but a large part of you feels certain that this person is your soul mate and cannot be replaced, that they are destined to fall in love with you if you just hold out long enough, or if you have come up with any other reasons why you cannot or should not let go, then we cannot help you. The success or failure of your work here depends entirely on your willingness and your commitment to making it work. We can not decide for you whether it is best for you to let go, or best to hold out hope. In letting go, however it is important that you remember that you do not have to tell yourself that you will never be with this person. You simply have to want to be free to choose for yourself whether you want to be with them, or whether you want to pursue other options. It is the compulsion, the obsession that you wish to be free of, not the person themselves.

Because an obsessive thought is simply a thought that re-appears over and over again does not mean that it is a more powerful thought than one which you have occasionally. For example, the fact that you might think about chocolate more than you think about broccoli does not mean that the thought of chocolate is more powerful than the thought of broccoli. The power if a thought lies not in the thought but in the way that you respond to it. If you value mental and emotional freedom highly enough, the chances are that you have already begun to practice the art of choosing to focus on some thoughts more than you focus on other ones. For example, if you live in a country where the weather is unpleasant you have probably taught yourself to focus on aspects of your country that you do enjoy, rather than concentrating your energy on the weather, which you don’t.

Training your mind is as simple as choosing what to give your attention to and what not to. At first, it can seem very difficult to do this. And we suggest that at first, you practice by simply observing what it is that you are thinking about, rather than trying to change the thoughts. It may help you to write down your thoughts for a period of time, perhaps for a few minutes every day. In fact, for the homework for this experiment that is exactly what we would like you to do. To simply take a piece of paper and write down as many of the thoughts as you can catch, for ten minutes. After you have done this, we shall resume the lesson!

How to connect with angels

• This morning I got an email from a lady who wanted to know how to connect with angels, so I decided to ask them to answer the question themselves, and then I thought maybe it should be published, so here goes!
• Angels Answer:
• Good afternoon! Indeed, we are delighted to answer this question. It is our greatest joy to be of service to your joy, but as you may have discovered, the circumstances of your lives sometimes make it difficult for you to feel joyful! And we have noticed that most of you who ask this question do so at times when you are unhappy, or anxious or otherwise distressed. This makes it more difficult for you to sense our presence. If you think of us as a radio station that you are attempting to attune to, and the emotions that you are feeling as different kinds of interference, you will understand that the best way to hear our frequency is to calm down all the other ones that you are listening to. Even if you can only manage to do this temporarily, even if you only experience a few minutes of quiet mind, when you are not paying attention to distressing thoughts, or indeed any other kinds of thoughts, when you are listening only to the silence that is the gap between your thoughts, even if you can only do this for a few minutes at a time, or a minute at a time, you will give us the opportunity to communicate a new kind of thought to you. Generally you attempt to contact us because you have a problem of some kind, not simply to say hello! We do not feel in any way insulted by this, we assure you! And we are happy to help with your problems if that is what you require of us. Generally we find that problems can be solved with a broadening of your perspective and a willingness on your part to see solutions where you did not previously look for them. If on the other hand you wish to contact us merely to pass the time, to shoot the breeze or to enjoy each other's company, that is quite acceptable also!